News
News from the Far Side
May 19 2008
Peter de Villiers is once again the news regarding his culinary habits. After a fall-out with the staff at the SARU offices over the amount of milk he wants in his coffee, the Springbok coach has now come under fire for his panache for spicy food.
Despite the staff at head office providing the coach with 14 different super menus to choice from, he insists on ordering out.
"I just love chilies, boy are they great," he said.
"I don't even have to see them, I can smell a good chili a mile away. And it's got nothing to do with the colour either but green and yellow chillies are probably my favourite."
Blues coach David Nucifora has been joined by Gloucester coach Dean Ryan in calling for the revamping of play-offs in world rugby. Nucifora wants play-offs to involve six teams and Ryan wants semi-finals to be held over the course of eight months of rugby.
"80 minutes are not enough to decide who should make the finals - it's not fair," said a despondent Ryan after Gloucester's 26-25 loss to Leicester in their Guinness Premiership semi-final.
"There should be two legs at least, and the team that finishes top of the table at the end of the regular season should be allowed to host both. When the games are over, the points scored should be added to the points scored over the whole of the season.
"Drop goals in the last three minutes shouldn't count, and if the scores are tied, then the side with the most red in their uniforms should be declared the winners."
In other Premiership news, scientists in London have been baffled by the discovery of DNA similar to that of an unnamed Wasps player in a fossil.
The DNA was found in blood drawn from inside a mosquito that had been trapped in tree resin and preserved there for millions of years. The DNA belongs to a believed-to-be-extinct creature called the Dallagliosaurus.
Bath are believed to be considering opening an investigation into possible foul-play. However there are no rules which prevent a team from using a pre-historic beast in their starting XV.
In news from France, despite Frédéric Michalak saying that financial aspects were not part of his decision to return to Toulouse, a source close to the Michalak household has revealed otherwise.
The telephone costs of phoning his mum in France everyday had become too much for the star fly-half who is said to be unable to fall asleep without a bedtime story.
"Freddy, 'e try to count ze sheep, but wiz ze converzion rat in Zouz Afrika, he mus' count twelve sheep for every sheep in Toulouse. Iz too much," said the friend.
"So Freddy, 'e call 'is mama every night so she can tell 'im of all ze nize sheep in Toulouse. Everyday, calling calling calling. It become vary expenzive.
"Also the police at ze frontier make life vary difficil. When Clement [Poitrenuad] brek 'is leg, Freddy send a teddy bare, 'e mus' pay many duties.
"When Vincent [Clerc] 'urt 'is knee Freddy take a fluffy penguin for 'im. But on ze flight it go missing. Vincent was crying crying because Freddy promise 'im. Iz non nize."
In other news from France, the French Rugby Union has, in typically philosophical fashion, welcomed the decision to hold the 2009 Heineken Cup Final at Murrayfield in Scotland.
"C'est inadmissible. Ces couillons l'ont donner aux British encore, on y crois pas. C'est sans doute parce-que ils savent que il aura des équipes français dans le finale et ils ont peur. On s'en fous, vu qu'ils habitent tous dans la sud de la France maintenant, il faut ils fasse le voyage comme nous n'est pas?" said a spokesman.
(It's normal in administration for such decisions to be made. We just love going to Britain at that time of year and our stadiums here in France are far too small. If a French prop tackles a Scottish scrum-half in a forest and there's no one around to hear his pelvis break, does it still make a sound?)