News
News from the Far Side
May 26 2008
All Blacks flank Jerry Collins has announced his retirement from rugby in New Zealand and is not expected to join any European clubs any time soon.
Collins is also famous for his pre-professional career as a garbage collector and has hinted at a return to his favourite pastime.
"I've been thinking about things for a while and I know in my heart that it's time to step back," said the 27-year-old told the Wellington Weekend Watcher .
"I really miss the good old days, you know. Just me and the guys, a dump-truck full of garbage, the crisp smell of fermenting waste on a cool Wellington morning, that's just like, when I'm at peace.
"None of this dancing around in a semi-circle before games and being all aggressive. I just wanna toss a couple of bags of trash and take it easy," said the man with the biggest biceps in the All Blacks pack.
Springbok coach Peter de Villiers has recalled eleven Sharks players to his training camp. Hooker Bismarck du Plessis will however not be joining the squad immediately. Du Plessis has been sent on a special mission to work on his line-out throwing.
First stop will be an intensive training camp with the South African women's netball team where he will work on his height and distance accuracy. Du Plessis is reportedly excited to join his fellow sports 'stars' but is slightly reluctant to don the team's trademark short netball skirts.
Step two will be with British darts legend Phil "The Power" Taylor who will attempt to show Du Plessis the finer points of throwing straight.
In news from the Heineken Cup Final, Munster Coach Declan Kidney's almost allergic reaction to limelight has raised an eyebrow or two as Paul O'Connell had to practically drag the coach into the celebrations he was trying to run away from.
"Celebrate? Oh no no, that's far too exciting for me. It sounds far too much like trying to score tries. That's insane, who would do such a thing," Kidney was overheard saying.
"It might give the other team a chance to get the ball, or even worse cause some sort of excitement amongst all those people in the stadium. That would be very dangerous. Perish the thought. Exciting rugby in a final? Phhfff, that's crazy talk."
Toulouse coach Guy Novès feels that Munster had a somewhat unfair advantage in their familiarity with referee Nigel Owens.
Novès suggested that Munster's cause had been helped because referee Nigel Owens had officiated no fewer than four of Munster's matches on their road to Cardiff, including the crunch pool matches against Wasps and Clermont, and both quarter-final and semi-final.
Novès reportedly tried to offer Owens a cocktail at Friday's at the pre-game function, only to be told his Martini was not up to scratch.
"How was I supposed to know he likes two olives and not one? I was standing there like a fool with a one-olive Martini while Kidney and Owens exchanged pleasantries about the fertilizer they use on their lawns at home. Makes me think of another type of fertilizer," Novès told the Millennium Monday Mail.
Toulouse captain Fabien Pelous had a forgettable game, conceding nine points in penalties and was given a yellow card, yet was gracious in defeat.
"Le munster, ça pue. Vraiment ça sent mauvais. Donne moi un camembert ou du roquefort, mais pas du munster. Ca me donne de l'indigestion." (Muster are really powerful. Well done to them, I'm really sorry about what happened , I didn't mean to kick him, I was just trying to wipe some mud off my shoe), said Pelous at the post-match press conference.
The Ireland national team had taken heart from the Munster's victory over the weekend ahead of the their tour to new Zealand. Ireland might not have Munster's pack nor their back-line but are still pretty optimistic. They've even chosen a theme tune for the tour, none other than the Talking Heads classic "We're on a road to nowhere."