News
News from the Far Side
August 12 2009
Forget what you've read elsewhere, the News from the Far Side team of crack investigators have finally revealed what really, REALLY, happened when Bath went partying in London.
Drugs, alcohol, bar fights, late night partying, drug tests taken, drug tests avoided: the antics and the consequent fall out from a supposedly debaucherous weekend of a couple of now former Bath players has been well documented - but according to evidence gathered by NFS operatives, the truth behind the truth has been somewhat distorted.
Never afraid to take one for the team - never afraid to sit on a bus with flatulent rugby players for hours on end - never afraid to delve into the depths of the London party scene to bring you the scoop behind the scoop, NFS got the low down on the recreation at the Recreation Ground.
Here is how it (really) happened:
One fateful Sunday in May, a group of players travelled from Bath to London by coach for some end-of-season party karate. Little did they know that the driver of the said coach was an undercover NFS agent armed with a microphone (in his sleeve), a camera (in his hat) and a bottle of Pinot Noir (in his lunch box).
There have been numerous reports documenting how former lock Justin Harrison has admitted to shouting: "Class A, it's OK, everyone's doing it" in the vicinity of Bath's academy players during the course of the day.
But our agents also recording him blurting out a couple of other pearls of ill-found wisdom including: "Staying on your feet at a ruck is for softies"; "Never send your mom of card on mother's day, it's not cool" ; "You only need to change your underwear every other week" and "Eat lots of sugary stuff, it gives you extra energy - but make sure you don't brush your teeth."
The arrangement was that the party goers would be transported to a club called "The Church" - but only after saying their prayers at another church, St. Barnes of the Ever-Clean Bath Water.
They left Bath at about 09.45 and during the journey they drank various quantities of alcohol, fruit juice, green tea and soda stream. Upon arrival in London, the group went shopping in Oxford street.
The first hint of trouble emerged when a group of players got into an argument with the doorman at Madame Tussaud's.
"They didn't want to show me their tickets. They said they had bought tickets but were insulted by my 'insinuations' that they were 'sneaking' in," said the doorman, Mr. Ifyaclean Takdatest.
"So I says to them 'no ticket, no entry.' So they says to me, 'we need to consult our mates'...then they disappeared."
The bus then took the group to the aforementioned club at about 13.00 and left at about 16.00.
Before going to the next party location, "the Pitcher and Piano", some players stopped off the "Putter and Paddle" where they played miniature golf and table tennis. Soon there was more trouble when the same group claimed that one of them had scored a hole-in-one on the infamous "windmill" hole 14.
"They said he timed his shot between the rotating blades perfectly, but they refused to show me their score cards, so they didn't get a complementary smoothy," said the course caretaker Mr. Ninem Onthban.
The group dispersed to various other places but all arrived at some stage during the evening at the final drinking hole. Significant quantities of alcohol were consumed and by the end of the evening all of the players were in varying states of intoxication.
Towards the end of the evening there was an "altercation" between some of the players and some Harlequins players who were also at club. However, no real punches were thrown. NFS evidence shows that the Harlequins players actually used fake blood to win sympathy from the waitresses in an attempt to get free milkshakes.
Footage from our cameras shows the two groups of players tucking into their vanilla flavoured drinks and playing backgammon until the early ours of the morning.
Did you see any players getting into trouble? Let the NFS team know!
By the Scarlet Badger