BRITISH & IRISH LIONS
NewsLions 2005 - the awards ceremony
July 11 2005
PLAYER OF THE SERIES
Despite missing out on the third Test, New Zealand's Daniel Carter writ his name large on the first two encounters. His peerless direction laid the foundation for the win in wet and windy Christchurch, but it was the Canterbury fly-half's consummate all-round performance in Wellington that left the world's scribes scrabbling for superlatives. A star is born.
Runners-up: Tana Umaga, Chris Jack, Ali Williams, Richie McCaw, Ryan Jones, Simon Easterby
TEAM OF THE SERIES
Just four Lions in the XV, with Gareth Thomas slotting in at fullback and Simon Easterby shading Jerry Collins by the slimmest of whiskers.
15 Gareth Thomas, 14 Rico Gear, 13 Tana Umaga (captain), 12 Aaron Mauger, 11 Sitiveni Sivivatu, 10 Dan Carter, 9 Byron Kelleher, 8 Ryan Jones, 7 Richie McCaw, 6 Simon Easterby, 5 Ali Williams, 4 Chris Jack, 3 Carl Hayman, 2 Keven Mealamu, 1 Gethin Jenkins.
MATCH OF THE TOUR
The NZ Maori's first ever win over the British & Irish Lions - an impressive 19-13 victory at the Waikato Stadium in Hamilton. A tense match brimming with muscle, entertainment and skill - and ultimately a portent of impending doom.
Runner-up: New Zealand v Lions, second Test
MOMENT OF THE TOUR
The loss of Lions skipper Brian O'Driscoll - the one back the tourists could not afford to lose - after just a minute of Test rugby. The smear campaign that followed the alleged spear-tackle was as unsightly as the incident itself, but far from unnerving the All Blacks, it galvanised them. A truly pivotal moment of the campaign.
Runner-up: The recruitment of media advisor Alastair Campbell back in December 2004 - who would have imagined the ramifications of such an appointment?
LION OF THE TOUR
Lions lock Paul O'Connell admitted that very few players remembered to pack their 'A' game - a sentiment that is hard to dispute. Still, the Lions failed not for want of effort, and it's hard to find fault in the commitment shown by the men on the paddock. But for sheer leadership, desire, charisma and grace under pressure, look no further than the man who steered the midweek side to five wins out of five, Ian McGeechan. The wily Scot is one of the greatest Lions tourists of them all, and the personification of all that is good about this grand institution. May they both grow old and prosper.
Runners-up: Gordon Bulloch, Simon Easterby, Gareth Thomas, Ryan Jones, Gethin Jenkins, Simon Shaw
INDIVIDUAL LIONS PERFORMANCE OF THE TOUR
Again, no show-stoppers - but Shane Williams's five-try haul against Manawatu deserves a mention. Okay, he wasn't up against the most illustrious opponents of the tour, but the little Welsh wizard took his tries well, came looking for work, and showed that pure God-given talent still has a role to play in these muscle-bound times.
Runner-up: Lions centre Gavin Henson answered his critics and showed two fingers to the Lions selectors by producing a solid two-try performance against Southland having been left out of the Test mix.
PROVINCIAL PLAYER OF THE TOUR
New Zealand appears to boast more first-class No.7s than sheep. Everywhere they went, the Lions came off second-best at the break-down. It was Bay of Plenty openside Nili Latu who gave the Lions a preview of things to come with superb running, handled, tackling and plenty of turn-overs in Rotorua.
Runners-up: Piri Weepu (Wellington), Nick Evans (Otago), James Wilson (Southland), Tasesa Lavea (Auckland)
STAT OF THE TOUR
The aggregate Test series scoreline - 107-40 (12 tries to two).
Runner-up: 51 - the number of Lions in Sir Clive's pride.
FINDS OF THE TOUR
No real revelations in either camp - Dan Carter and Sitiveni Sivivatu underlined their obvious potential, whilst Andy Sheridan and Donncha O'Callaghan will return home having impressed the unversed New Zealand public.
TOURISTS ON THE RISE
Simon Easterby: Most consistent Lion on tour, never less than outstanding. Looked very at home in the Test match arena, and helped settle the wonky red line-out.
Charlie Hodgson: Finally managed to transfer his sparkling club form to the representative stage, albeit against provincial opposition. Easily the form fly-half of the tour - his England challenge must now be taken seriously.
Ryan Jones: Made immediate impact on his tour debut against Otago and quickly settled into Test rugby.
Simon Shaw: Peerless support play, crunching defence and industrious set-piece work. Quite how the English giant slipped under Woodward's radar is one of the tour's many mysteries.
Donncha O'Callaghan: Emerged from the shadows of his illustrious compatriots to claim a Test berth.
Andy Sheridan: Some good moments for Big Ted - a permanent England berth awaits.
TOURISTS ON THE WANE
Will Greenwood: A few clever tricks, but he is not the player he once was.
Jason Robinson: Never managed to get going on the soft New Zealand sod - his form has deserted him.
Jonny Wilkinson: Has lost his instinctive feel for the game due to his long lay-off. Outplayed by Aaron Mauger in the first Test, and totally eclipsed by Dan Carter in part two.
Gordon D'Arcy: Like Wilkinson, it seems that the Irish star arrived in New Zealand distinctly undercooked. Improved as tour progressed, but still not half the player he was during the 2004 Six Nations.
John Hayes: Big bloke who failed to throw his weight around.
Andy Titterrell: Thrown in at the deep-end - and drowned.
Matt Stevens: Fragile and indisciplined.
VILLAIN OF THE TOUR
Plenty of candidates in this category, but we opt for the Machiavellian machinations of Alastair Campbell. Sport is essentially the celebration of humanity - we don't need politicking, censorship or press manipulation. Buzz off.
Runner-up: Sir Clive Woodward (lack of magnanimity), Tana Umaga (lack of chivalry), Danny Grewcock (lack of muzzle)
THE SPORTSMANSHIP AWARD
After fracturing his ankle in the opener against the Bay of Plenty, Lawrence Dallaglio ensured that his Lions jersey was delivered to his opposite number, Colin Bourke.
Runner-up: All Black scrum-half Justin Marshall, for offering his condolences to Brian O'Driscoll as the Lions skipper was wheeled away from the first Test with a dislocated shoulder.
SUPPORTERS' AWARD
Finally, a convincing win for the Lions. The travelling red army were model tourists, drank their own body-weight everyday, and managed to dilute the haka with deafening chants of 'Lions! Lions! Lions!' - they deserved more for their efforts.
SUPPORTER OF THE TOUR
Without doubt, Lesley Jenkins - mother of Lions prop Gethin - who interrupted her chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer to make sure she could be in New Zealand to support her son.
THE TRUE SPIRIT OF RUGBY AWARD
Lions stand-in skipper Gareth Thomas who met the world's press wearing his underpants, explaining nonchalantly: "Sorry lads - couldn't find me trousers, and didn't want to keep you waiting."
Runner-up: Lions lock Paul O'Connell, who debagged Alastair Campbell at a crowded press conference.
QUOTE OF THE TOUR
"I will definitely be the best-prepared Lions coach ever." - Sir Clive prior to the tour; words that are set to haunt him for years to come.
Runner-up: "It's actually been a successful tour despite what's been written and said." - Sir Clive again, following the third Test defeat in Auckland.
READERS' QUOTE OF THE TOUR
"Never before in the history of international rugby have so many been beaten by so few." - Steve Hawke, Waipawa, NZ
Runner-up: "Veni, Vidi, victims of ineptitude." - John Carey, UK
SLEDGE OF THE TOUR
"Kiwis know their rugby and they know a lemon when they see one. O'Gara should have painted himself yellow and jumped into a gin and tonic. His kicking was duff, his tackling was duff and he didn't look like he could run a pack of girl guides." - Gregor Paul of the New Zealand Herald following the Bay of Plenty match.
Runner-up: "Have you heard the latest from the Lions camp? Clive Woodward is sending Andy Robinson to a fancy-dress party tonight. He's going as a pumpkin. They're hoping at midnight he'll turn into a coach." - 2001 Lions tourist Austin Healey kisses his England career goodbye.
MIXED-UP KID OF THE TOUR
"My dad's English and my mum is from Scotland so I guess I could have played for the Lions - my biggest problem now is trying to get dad to take off his Lions jersey before the Tests." - New Zealand lock Ali Williams.
PLAYGROUND TAUNT OF THE TOUR
"The only true judgement of a team is at a World Cup, where everyone turns up properly fit and prepared and the games take place on a level playing field. There is no gulf between hemispheres. Who holds the World Cup at the moment?" - Sir Clive
THE JOSEPH STALIN AWARD FOR JOURNALISM
To the nameless Lions media goblin who took it upon himself to 'correct' players' newspaper columns. One deft alteration saw "we went for a beer after the match" become "we went for a stroll after the match".
Runner-up: Sir Clive's staged photo of himself and Gavin Henson following the announcement of the team for the first Test.
REPUBLICAN OF THE TOUR AWARD
"Bloody hell, I thought this was meant to be our day off." - Response from a nameless Lion on being told that he would be lunching with Prince William.
CONFESSION OF THE TOUR
"Mixing up the players, and giving everyone a crack at the Test side as we had promised before the start of the tour, did affect cohesion." - Eddie O'Sullivan in the aftermath of the first Test.
OVERKILL OF THE TOUR
No stone was left unturned to ensure the Lions had all they needed, but the monogrammed headrest covers on their privately chartered aeroplane were probably unnecessary. It just gives the impression that the travellers were mollycoddled siamese rather than ferocious lions.
Runner-up: The 10-foot fence and police cordon that surrounded the Lions' training ground. Were they hitting tackle bags or had they unearthed the bones of the missing link?
BULLDOG SPIRIT AWARD
"It ain't over 'till the last drop." - Guinness tries and keep the bandwagon moving following the second Test defeat.
BEST CROWD SIGNAGE
'Will exchange wife for Test tickets' - spotted in the stands of the Westpac Stadium during the Wellington encounter.
Runner-up: 'Wanted: Tana Umaga - for the assassination of Brian O'Driscoll' - emblazoned on many a t-shirt in Palmerston North, Wellington and Auckland.
NOSTRADAMUS AWARD FOR CLAIRVOYANCE
"I'm absolutely convinced it will be 3-0 and the All Blacks will succeed in this series." - Former AB boss John Mitchell.
Runner-up: "It is abundantly clear that this is the worst Lions team to arrive in New Zealand." - Former AB boss Laurie Mains.
NOT THE NOSTRADAMUS AWARD FOR CLAIRVOYANCE
"The Lions have been bluffing in New Zealand and my mate Clive definitely has tricks up his sleeve." - Australia coach Eddie Jones on the eve of the first Test.
Runner-up: "I am absolutely convinced more than ever we've got a team who can do something special in the first test." - Sir Clive after the loss to the Maori.
THE CALL-A-SPADE-A-SPAPE AWARD
"I think they cheated like buggery, and they got away with it so good on them." - Otago captain Craig Newby passing judgement on the Lions' tactics at the breakdown.
Runner-up: "There wouldn't be enough wall space for all that crap, so why bother?" - Graham Henry on being asked whether he would be pinning up 'spear-gate' headlines in order to motivate his troops.
HOSPITAL PASS OF THE TOUR
Thrown by Charlotte Church to Gavin Henson. The Welsh songstress admitted to the press that she was "knackered" following a three-day tryst with her hirsute boyfriend in New Zealand. Henson was then omitted from the side for the first Test - a decree said to have been based, in part, on disciplinary action.
ENTREPRENEUR OF THE TOUR
The cunning chap who sold a blade of grass from Jade Stadium for NZ$1,000 (£362) because it came with two 'free' tickets to the first Test - an ingenious way of getting round the New Zealand Rugby Union's crackdown on touting.
BEST SIDE-STEP OF THE TOUR
Performed by the Lions' in-house lawyer, Richard Smith QC, who got Graham Rowntree off the hook for punching Bryce Williams in the face by bamboozling the IRB Disciplinary Panel. Smith - according to the judicial finding report - argued "that whilst the player pleaded guilty to foul play, the action was the result of a clumsy attempt to remove the Auckland player at the breakdown ... the incident occurred as a result of physical contact with Williams who [Rowntree] alleged was holding him back from joining the defensive line. [Rowntree] described it as an ill-judged attempt to remove himself from the contact situation which went wrong." Huh?
THE OLD MOTHER HUBBARD AWARD
This award goes to Lions in-house chef Dave Campbell. Okay, the poor bloke had hundreds of mouths to feed - but he should never have let Danny Grewcock take to the field on an empty stomach.
THE UP-ONE'S-OWN-BACKSIDE AWARD
'During your stay with us you may recognise a team of very well-known people who have chosen this hotel for the same reasons as you - excellent location, excellent service and attention to detail. We ask that you help us maintain this atmosphere for all our guests by resisting the temptation to ask for autographs or photographs while this team is staying with us.' - Notice distributed to guests at the Lions' Wellington hotel.
THE U.N. AWARD FOR INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
This award is won by Joe Bennett, columnist with the Dominion Post, who took the Lions tour as an opportunity to share his world view with his readers.
Bennett on the United Kingdom: "A stiflingly polite middle-class, an agreeably smug upper-middle-class and a breed of teenage male thugs of unrivalled barbarity. Good beer, good books, bad skin."
Bennett on Ireland: "Picturesque poverty, pubs that doubled as grocery stores and locals extolling their own Irishness while queuing up to emigrate."
THE RICHARD BRANSON AWARD FOR ENTERPRISE
"Hey, Whitey - if you and me start a fight, how much d'you reckon we'll get for an exclusive?" - Danny Grewcock to Julian White after erroneous reports of a training-ground dust-up between Gordon Bulloch and John Hayes appeared in the media.
THE DEEPAK CHOPRA AWARD FOR PSYCHO-BABBLE
"There was research done on what is the best colour to wear when you are playing competitive sports, and the research came out very clearly that winning teams wear red." - Sir Clive
But Woodward appears to be have overlooked the 'findings' of psychologist Angela Wright who noted "black absorbs all the energy coming towards it, and is also a bit menacing."
THE BRITISH AIRWAYS VALUED CUSTOMER AWARD
Jason White - who made a 52-hour round trip for 58 minutes of rugby.
THE LOCH NESS AWARD FOR LEAST-SIGHTED TOURIST
Gareth Cooper - the giant blond Irish No.8 [pls check. Ed.] hardly got a look-in all tour.
The 2005 awards were hosted by Andy Jackson