A classless act in a classy sport?: Armitage's actions show a lack of maturity rather than malice

By Gavin Mortimer

WHAT’S ALL the fuss about? Or put another way: what’s so different about what Delon Armitage did to Clermont’s Brock James from what Josh Lewsey did to Damian Traille during the 2007 World Cup semi-final? Remember that? England’s erudite winger dotted down in the second minute, exploiting the Frenchman’s inexperience at full-back. As Lewsey got to his feet he patted Traille on the head. If that’s not taunting a beaten opponent then I don’t know what is.

Yet did the rugby world go crackers? Did players, past and present, line up to have a pop shot at Lewsey? No. In fact one newspaper, the Independent, offered its readers the chance to buy a print of the moment, captured by one of its snappers, with the paper headlining the photo ‘Lewsey rubs it in’.

Armitage’s gesture was no more offensive but now thanks to Twitter we live in an age of immediacy, where people can sound off before the paint is dry, so to speak .

Which is what people did on Saturday afternoon. “Since when did the values of rugby include taunting an opponent in the act of scoring a try?” asked Scotland scrum-half Chris Cusiter.

Level playing field?: Lewsey's actions were celebrated

This isn’t a defence of Armitage. For too long he’s indulged in prattish behaviour, be it pushing a doping officer, fighting in a nightclub or his lengthening roll call of reckless tackles. But is what he did to Brock James as he ran in Toulon’s try against Clermont really any worse than what was allegedly done to him a few minutes earlier? It’s said that Aurelien Rougierie patted Armitage on the head after Clermont had scored a try, while it’s also been claimed the former England full-back was subjected to ‘duck’ taunts by the opposition.

Brian Moore tweeted that he would have chinned any player who had done that to him during his illustrious career, yet didn’t the feisty England hooker revel in his ability to wind up the French front-row with a few choice words at the set-piece? And if you search hard enough on Google, you’ll find a photo of ‘Pitbull’ in all his glory, mouthing off to a couple of crestfallen Welsh players in the aftermath of another England try during a Five Nations encounter.

And on the subject of photos and taunts, what about the famous snap of Johnny Sexton screaming in the face of Munster rival Ronan O’Gara during Leinster’s victory at Croke Park in the 2009 Heineken Cup semi-final? Apparently Sexton, in the course of celebrating a Brian O’Driscoll try, was taking his revenge for a series of alleged sledges from O’Gara about his failure to drop a goal. But that was put down to that catch-all excuse of modern sport – ‘passion’.

The greatest vulgarity committed by Armitage on Saturday wasn’t the taunt aimed at James, but the personal insult directed the way of Moore in response to his initial tweet. It’s too childish to bear repeating – and it’s since been deleted from Armitage’s account – but it demonstrated that Delon, fine rugby player that he is, still has some growing up to do.

A serious guy: Vern Cotter could be the straight man to Scott Johnson's entertaining talker within the Scotland camp

By Alan Dymock

GREEK THEATRE is fabled for its two set genres of play, the tragedy and comedy.

In sport, as in life, though, there can be both elements coming together in a beautifully sweet moment during an incredibly sad time. In Scotland the hope could well be that the super serious and the chortle inducing come together in their rugby structure.

Black humour dictates that when times were tough, Scottish fans were prone to laughing at themselves for the sake of not crying.  Now times look slightly better and smiles are painted across the north there needs to be an injection of seriousness, drive and rigid adherence to the rules of winning.

A man walks into a press room...: Johnson

Scott Johnson, the grinning Australian who helped Scotland off their knees after some dull losing performances of the past, all the while feeding the press pack some delicious lines as they yapped at his heals, needs a head coach.

After bringing in Ospreys forwards coach Jonathan Humphreys – a man described as a serious sort and harder than a concrete boxing glove – a list of potential head coaches was drawn up.

At first it was assumed that outgoing Queensland Reds coach Ewen McKenzie was favourite for the post, but he quickly established that there were no communications between him and the Scots.

Then it was mooted that Canterbury Crusaders head coach Todd Blackadder, a man who had rattled more than a few cages while in Edinburgh with the Gunners, would be the silver disciplinarian for Scotland.

Now it seems that expectation is set at the feet of Clermont Auvergne’s Vern Cotter.

The New Zealander is a man who refuses to play by new age rules, saying the bare minimum to the press before, during and sometimes even after matches. He is focused on his rugby and lets his players do the talking for him. He needs to see them performing and they have done, impressing with a style of rugby that has pundits wantonly spouting superlatives.

He has been seen to smile, though only ever when his team are playing gorgeous tiki-taka rugby, and you can only imaging the grueling work done to get that team to the point where they can swish passes to each other in the most crushing of environments.

If it were Cotter for the Scots it would be a marriage of the odd couple, with the eagerly beaming Johnson overlooking the work of the focused, dead-set Kiwi.

Serious Scotland: Skipper Kelly Brown

Every team needs balance. What would make this arrangement interesting would be if Johnson gave his coach complete autonomy once the Australian has stated the style he wants, only stepping in to interact and make sure the arrangement is one that works well for all parties involved.

There is much to be discussed yet, with Cotter still hoping to avenge the Heineken Cup final loss to Toulon by winning a Top 14 semi-final against Castres and then triumphing in the final on June 29. By this point Johnson will be South Africa-bound with his last posting as Scotland’s head coach in the quadrangular tournament against the hosts, Italy and Samoa, before climbing a wee stepladder to get to his post of Director of Rugby.

It remains to be seen if Cotter will end up being the man who wants the international posting. If he does he will be the firm, frowning mask to Johnson’s grinning veneer; a good cop, bad cop pairing that can shout and smile Scotland towards playing the way that wins Test matches regularly.

If Clermont’s coach does want the role, Johnson could be crying with happiness.

Joker in the pack: Wallaby hooker Tatafu Polota-Nau may, be for once, be inconspicuous because of his absence

By Alan Dymock

THE PRESSURE on Will Genia and James Horwill may be great as we slide towards the British and Irish Lions tour of Australia, but not for the reasons many would expect.

On Saturday, as the Waratahs crashed against the wild Brumbies of Canberra in the Super 15, Test hooker Tatafu Polota-Nau took a knee with a broken forearm. It was a worrying sight for Australian fans who had already seen world-class poacher David Pocock write himself off for the upcoming Test series.

Wallaby wounds: Polota-Nau and Smith

More so than just missing personnel, though, Australia may suffer because of their lack of big characters.

Talking to Rugby World yesterday, Wallaby and Waratahs prop Benn Robinson said: “Tafu [Polota-Nau] is the biggest character of them all and he is different to a lot of people. Losing him is not good news.”

Squads need big personalities to lead and to tie them together. The Lions have already spoken about this and the importance of bonding. So while Genia and Horwill are stronger than a moonshine milkshake in terms of leadership, the Wallaby squad could well be that little bit more vulnerable to splintering without their chuckle brothers and drop-goal divas to laugh at and lean on.

Polota-Nau will most likely be replaced in the Australian 25-man squad that was announced on Sunday, though no concrete date has been set for pulling players out of the Super 15. So there will be no Tafu, no Quade Cooper and no Kurtley Beale. It is likely that George Smith, also injured in that Aussie derby and likely to miss the next three games out of the remaining four regular season games, has missed his window to impress Robbie Deans and squeeze into the squad to face the Lions as one of the extra six players, to be announced on June 10.

However, much like the theory that as soon as a space opens up in the Lions contingent Jonny Wilkinson will be flown out, there is a suggestion that enigmatic playmaker Cooper will be slotted in as one of the six additional Wallabies once he has proved his defensive worth to Deans during the Queensland Reds game against the Lions on June 8.

For Robinson, though, it is Beale’s personality and sublime talent that may be missed most.

Absent friends: Kurtley Beale and Quade Cooper stick close

“To not have Kurtley in the 25 is massive,” the prop said. “To pull out to address personal issues is honourable, but to look at it from a rugby perspective; of course you want him.

“If you look at the great try he scored against Wales last year to win the game he has the talent. He is still in line to make the extra six.”

As it stands there are plenty of questions about Deans’ additions.

Beale may feel he has pushed his demons back into the bottle and make the six. Cooper may show the elusive and unlabled ‘stuff’ that Deans needs to see and earn a recall. Polota-Nau and Smith may cause scientists and doctors to faint with amazement due to their stitch-popping, rapid recovery.

If none of this comes off, though,it could be a dry, serious, driven camp that faces the Lions, and it remains to be seen whether that will be more dangerous to the tourists or whether it means the hosts are that little bit weaker at the seams.

Stepping over the line: Schalk Burger tackles Mike Phillips during the 2009 Series but he was later banned for gouging

By Charlie Morgan

THE NAMES of yesteryear’s Lions heroes roll off the tongue with consummate ease. Way before the latest promotional offering, when they stepped aboard a galleon set sail for Australia, dressed in late-19^th century attire, JPR Williams and Willie John McBride became synonymous with the British and Irish Lions.

With any luck, a few Warren Gatland’s crew will be canonised over the next six weeks, too. But what of the hosts? When plotting a way past the trio of gnarled southern hemisphere giants, Sir Clive Woodward always used to call his imminent opposition “the bad guys”. And, at certain points, certain individuals lived up to that moniker perfectly.

So without further ado, here is a run-down of the villains that have (dis)graced the past four tours.

1997

Motor-mouthed winger James Small warrants a mention here, if only on the basis that his appearances for Western Province and South Africa brought about priceless sledging matches. His main adversary John Bentley has dined out on the expletive-ridden exchanges ever since, not least because his dry Yorkshire wit produced the famous comeback: “You’re a bully. And bullies don’t like being bullied.”

During a 64-14 battering for his side, though, Mpumalanga second row Marius Bosman shamefully entered the realms of thuggery by launching a horrific hack at Doddie Weir on the periphery of a ruck, he hyper-extended the left knee of his opposite number and sent the popular Scot packing with lacerated medial ligaments. Fly-on-the-wall footage of incensed team doctor James Robson breaking the bad news to Weir is gut-wrenching stuff.

Red mist: Duncan McRae is sent off

2001

Duncan McRae’s x-rated pummelling of Ronan O’Gara during a hot-tempered tussle against the Waratahs registers on any roll of ignominy, and lumbering lock Justin Harrison – immortally christened “plank” by Austin Healey – made such a fantastic anti-hero for Australia A and the Brumbies that he earned a victorious Wallaby debut in Sydney’s decider.

But for an underhand act that altered the course of the series, Nathan Gray takes some beating. The Lions led 11-3 and looked rampant half and hour into the second Test when the abrasive centre sent a savage flying elbow into Richard Hill face. It ended the brilliant blindside’s trip and, from there, George Smith ran riot at the breakdown, allowing George Gregan to orchestrate a momentum-shifting rout.

2005

Demonising Dan Carter for derailing the siege on New Zealand with pure skill seems very unfair. Given the fly half’s sublime performances that emasculated the best of Britain and Ireland though, it is somewhat tempting. Carter’s haul of 44 points in the first two Tests definitely laid sturdy foundations for a humiliating “blackwash”, leaving the Lions faithful shell-shocked.

However, there was the small matter of a double-spear tackle before that. Precisely 45 seconds into proceedings in the First Test, Keven Mealamu and Tana Umaga up-ended captain Brian O’Driscoll as he tried to counter-ruck, dropping the Irish skipper onto his shoulder. Screams of pain were audible to television viewers thanks to the microphone of referee Joel Jutge, but the Kiwi pair were never punished and BOD was out of the tour.

The evidence: Sir Clive Woodward points at foul play

2009

Evangelical Christian fly half Jaco van der Westhuyzen made an unlikely bid for acrimony on this tempestuous tour, taking on the mantle of chief wind-up merchant in a cheap-shot ridden midweek match for the Southern Kings. The former Leicester Tiger was also sin-binned for a cynical late hit on Riki Flutey.

When the Test series rolled around though, the physicality intensified to a frankly intimidating level. Pocket battleship Heinrich Brussow and Bakkies Botha – on a personal crusade against Mike “blue eyes” Phillips – thrived, but abrasive flanker Schalk Burger crossed the line by gouging Luke Fitzgerald’s eyes at Pretoria. How only a yellow card resulted will forever be a mystery. He was later banned for eight weeks for his misdemeanour.

Honours even: The last time Clermont met Toulon there was a 26-all draw, despite Clermont playing a second-string

By Alan Dymock

DUBLIN WILL be a certain shade of yellow or red come Saturday evening after two very familiar French foes do battle in the Heineken Cup final.

If Clermont Auvergne’s more outspoken players are to be believed, the drawn game between Clermont and Toulon in April was one that Toulon were lucky to keep a grip on, despite the fact that the Vulcans fielded a second-string.

And it was all yellow: Clermont's 'enthusiastic' support

This may well have been true. However, while the set from Toulon counted Jonny Wilkinson, The Armitages, Mathieu Bastareaud and Bakkies Botha among their ranks, a second XV from Clermont still included world class performers like Elvis Vermeulen, Julien Malzieu, Regan King and Julien Pierre.

In that instance, too, it must be made clear that the game was played out between two factions already assured of their place at the very top of the Top 14. This Saturday is a final. Europe’s grandest final. The Heineken Cup is the one everyone bursts themselves to win.

Clermont are understandably confident, with their rich pedigree and eight wins from eight in the Heineken. They are hunting down the Cup – something they have never done before – and all comers have been nonchalantly swatted aside whenever they have presented themselves in front of Les Jaunards.

Toulon are greedy, though.

Despite recent history, recent results or the fact that they are a warm smile away from being branded mercenary, the pack from France’s sunny south have proven big game players in their ranks and men who would happily bend rules if it meant they won a prize.

It is a chop-licking prospect. Everywhere you look there are impressive match-ups.

Still got it: Wilkinson prepares for the final with a flourish

Napolioni Nalaga against Rudi Wulf is a head-to-head between two players that yearn to cut loose. Nathan Hines and Jamie Cudmore versus Bakkies Botha and Danie Rossouw is a ruck-time prospect with all the subtlety and grace of a sledgehammer hitting a landmine. Wilkinson against Brock James could be like chess with studs.

The most volatile and keenest battle on the Dublin turf this Saturday could well be in the scrum, though. Toulon rely on big ol’ boys while Clermont have enough scars and synergy to see them tramp through. Much depends on who elevates their level of performance, but keep an eye on Davit Zirakashvili butting up against Andrew Sheridan.

Most will expect this final written in French to conclude with Clermont joy. What it will come down to is whether Clermont score as they are expected to, or if Toulon can hold on and roll over the line at the last.

ASM Clermont Auvergne: Byrne; Sivivatu, Rougerie (c), Fofana, Nalaga; James, Parra; Domingo, Kayser, Zirakashvili, Cudmore, Hines, Bonnaire, Vosloo, Chouly

Subs: Paulo, Debaty, Ric, Pierre, Bardy, Radosavljevic, Skrela, King

Toulon: D Armitage; Wulf, Bastareaud, Giteau, Palisson; Wilkinson (c), Tillous-Borde; Sheridan, Bruno, Hayman, Botha, Kennedy, Rossouw, Fernandez Lobbe, Masoe

Subs: Orioli, Jenkins, Kubriashvili, Van Niekerk, Armitage, Mermoz, Michalak, Suta

A quick tête-à-tête: No 8s and captains Jamie Heaslip and Sergio Parisse have a quiet chat before the big one tonight

By Alan Dymock

DESPITE THEIR illustrious history, their garish attire and their hunkier than thou personnel, Stade Francais are undoubtedly the underdogs going into tonight’s Amlin Challenge Cup final in Dublin.

The runaround at the RDS not only represents a chance to win a European trophy for the first time in the Parisien’s history, but also offers the 2007 Top 14 champions an opportunity to make it into the Heineken Cup next season.

No one has given them a chance, though, as they line up against the reigning Heineken champions Leinster at their own RDS ground on Friday evening. Although talisman Brian O’Driscoll is out for the final there is still a glittering array of attacking talents served up for the Leinster faithful.

According to Stade’s blindside flanker David Lyons, however, that may just suit the notoriously inconsistent French outfit fine as they trot out to stand in front of Ireland’s irresistible playmakers.

“It is hard to say why Stade are so inconsistent,” the 44-cap Wallaby said yesterday. “A lot of French teams are like that. We have had a really good build-up, though, and everyone has been a bit edgy. It is very hard to play here in Dublin – I know that having played Leinster so many times with the Scarlets and everyone has a TV so they can see for themselves – but we have nothing to lose.

“We have just got to throw everything at them and hopefully that team that can beat anyone on the day turns up.”

Rough rider: Lyons bustles in the Challenge Cup semi

The veteran back-rower, who will be playing one-on-one against young Rhys Ruddock, seems to revel in the shadow cast over his team by the silky Dublin side. He explains that he likes the underdog tag and while the Leinster backline is one that needs to be chased he also hints that after a few years in France he can almost sense when a wobble is coming and when the team is ready to click.

If he and his colleagues are to click, it may well be because of a certain back-row battle falling in favour of Stade.

According to Lyons: “We have an opportunity if we have quality ball and our set-piece is good, while some players lead by experience and from the front. A big showdown to look forward to is Sergio Parisse versus Jamie Heaslip. That is a big one.

“For me, I am just excited by the prospect of playing quality opposition in a quality venue where pride is at stake.”

Lyons is right about one thing: tonight, as the two No 8 captains collide it will take a performance to be proud of for the underdogs to triumph. Yet how many times have we heard that before, only for the written-off visitors to pull a performance out of their shiny, pink-piped bag?

If Stade do win it will be because they mugged Leinster in their own home, with their Italian alpha male at the fore.

Leinster v Stade Francais, ko 8pm on Sky Sports 2

Leinster: R Kearney; Conway, McFadden, Madigan, Nacewa; Sexton, Boss; McGrath, Cronin, Ross, Roux, Toner, Ruddock, O’Brien, Heaslip (c)

Subs: Strauss, Healy, Hagan, Cullen, Jennings, Cooney, Goodman, D Kearney

Stade Francais: Porical; Sinzelle, Doumayrou, Williams, Bonneval; Plisson, Dupuy; De Malmanche, Sempere, Slimani, Lavalla, Mostert, Lyons, Rabadan, Parisse (c)

Subs: Bonfils, Wright, Becasseau, van Zyl, Tomiki, Nayacalevu, Arias, Warwick

Referee: Nigel Owens (Wales)

Dambusters: The Spitfire 7s stop at the iconic Derwent Valley Reservoirs during their exhausting 500 mile bike ride

TO COMMEMORATE yesterday’s 70^th Anniversary of the famous Dambusters story, the RAF Spitfires Rugby 7s team visited the iconic Derwent Valley Reservoirs and Dam on their way to the London 7s last weekend.

The stop-off was a welcome relief during a gruelling 500mile charity cycle. The team that were named after the iconic spitfire aircraft rode from Glasgow to Twickenham to coincide with the final two legs of the IRB World Sevens Series and planned the visit to commemorate the 70th Anniversary of the Dambusters’ Operation Chastise. The aim of the Spitfires’ charity bike ride was to raise £10,000 for their charity partners, India-based tag rugby charity Khelo Rugby and the RAF Benevolent Fund.

As well as visiting the dam, the group also stopped during their ride to take part in a training session with the Leicester Tigers Academy. As well as that, England, Lions and RAF legend Rory Underwood joined the group for a day’s cycling.

Get on your bike and ride: three of the airmen take a break

Derwent, famous for being used by pilots of 617 Squadron to practice for Operation Chastise, more commonly known as the Dambusters Raids on dams in Germany during World War II, provided a fitting stop for the Spitfires team, all of whom are serving RAF airmen. They also sported special edition camouflage rugby shirts, designed by Canterbury. The shirt takes its design directly from the classic spitfire markings and will take pride of place in the Dambusters Museum.

Spitfires Team Manager, Flight Lieutenant Nick Monahan, a Puma pilot currently based at RAF Benson, commented, “Stopping off at the Derwent Dam as part of our 500 mile charity cycle and remembering the brave airmen who took to the skies for Operation Chastise was a very nostalgic moment for the whole Spitfires squad. We are very honoured to have our commemorative Canterbury shirt displayed in the Museum.” 

Yesterday, on the official anniversary date of Operation Chastise, there was a fly-past at the Derwent Valley reservoirs of the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF) that includes the Lancaster Bomber and a Spitfire.

The Spitfire 7s will next make an outing at the Bournemouth 7s between the May 24 and 26.

You can sponsor the Spitfires here.

Tearaway: former England centre Jamie Noon will hang up his boots at the end of this season

By Gavin Mortimer 

IT’S A funny old game, rugby, as Jamie Noon will testify. Son of Yorkshire, servant of Newcastle and now stalwart of Brive, the former England centre brings down the curtain on his professional career on Sunday, in Bordeaux of all places, about as far removed from Goole as you could wish to find. True, they’re both ports, but there’s not much sun, and even less wine, in the Yorkshire town where Noon was born 34 years ago.

May day: young Falcon May

The fact that he’s bowing out in Bordeaux, playing for Brive against Pau in the Pro2 play-off final, is proof of how far Noon has come – literally and metaphorically – since he first pulled on a Newcastle shirt in the late 1990s. Back then Noon was one of the Falcons’ young guns, that posse of precocious talent which included Jonny Wilkinson, Michael Stephenson, Dave Walder and Tom May. Now fifteen years of life as a professional sportsmen is about to end, and Noon is honest enough to admit he’s approaching the next phase of his life with more than a little trepidation. “I’m nervous,” he says. “As a professional rugby player you train, prepare and play, so you always know more or less what to expect out of life. Now I’m about to go into the unknown, trying to get a job against guys who are younger and carry degrees and other qualifications. I’m 34, with three young children to feed, so yes, definitely I’m nervous. On the plus side, however, as a professional sportsmen you live off a fierce competitive spirit, so I hope I can use that to flourish in a different arena.”

Noon has plans, ambitious ones that are as bold as the manner in which he has graced the game for these past fifteen years. “I’m looking to become an agent,” he says, adding that he’s in the throes of obtaining his licence. But Noon wants to be more than just an agent. He aims to put his own vast experience to good use by mentoring young players as they make the transition from youth academy to professional club.

Noon intends to remain in France, advising British and Irish players looking to move across the Channel while also taking aspiring French youngsters under his wing. There are opportunities to be had in France as club rugby continues to soar, ideal for a man who is now an unabashed Francophile. “It’s funny how it’s worked out,” he explains. “The kids (his three children are aged eight, six and four) found it really tough at first. There were a lot of tears and getting them to go to school each morning was hard. Now they love it. They’ve really adapted to the French way of life and my wife and I decided we couldn’t uproot them and take them back to England.”

Noon loves the lifestyle, too, comparing the countryside around the rural town of Brive to that of his native Yorkshire, populated by a similar people with little pretension but an abundance of warmth.

Noon has felt much of that warmth from the moment he arrived at Brive in the summer of 2009. He came with a big reputation, a hard-running centre with 38 England caps, just one of a number of English players recruited by Brive, among whom were Steve Thompson, Andy Goode, Shaun Perry and Riki Flutey.

Super 10: Goode times at Brive

Reflecting on his first season at Brive (which resulted in Noon winning the coaches’ Player of the Year award), he says what helped him through was his philosophy. “I came with an open mind from the start. I struggled for the first couple of months but whereas some of the (English) boys got stressed and annoyed by certain things, I just thought I might as well go the French way. For eleven years in England I’d been really strict in my approach but in Brive I started drinking coffee – something we couldn’t do at Newcastle – and instead of living on brown pasta, rice and boiled chicken, I started eating what the French ate, which included steaks and a lot of cheese.”

Whereas some of Noon’s fellow Englishmen were never able to bridge the difference in cultures, he thrived in his new environment, earning the respect and admiration of team-mates and fans as a consequence. Fitting, then, that it was Noon who scored the decisive try in Brive’s win against Aurillac last weekend, a victory that secured them the right to challenge Pau on Sunday for a place in next season’s Top 14.

“That was a special moment,” reflects Noon. “It couldn’t have been better scripted, coming on for my last home game and scoring a try with my first touch that took us through to the final.”

The script may still have a final act to run. The game against Pau will be Noon’s 100th for Brive and all his family are coming over from England for the occasion. And among the 35,000-strong crowd in Bordeaux’s Stade Chaban-Delmas will be most of Brive, all willing Noon to go out on a high.

Fixed smile: Robbie Deans has quite a few selection posers to mull over in the next few days before naming his squad

By Alan Dymock

ON SUNDAY the Australian public will know the initial 25-man squad for the Test series against the British and Irish Lions.

Understandably the timbre of some hollering Wallaby fans may weaken in the days building up, their voices wobbling thanks to unfolding events down under. First they held a bafflingly titled “logistics camp” last month where a squad of 30 prospective Test players reportedly talked tactics. Quade Cooper was omitted from proceedings and it has now been said that the free-spirited Red will be watched during Queensland’s game against the Lions. If this is true then it does not bode well for the maverick’s inclusion come Sunday.

However, theories about this were all poured out before Kurtley Beale swallowed his pride and nominated himself for rehab, manfully accepting his own failings and removing himself from active footie so that he could seek help.

Bromance over?: James O'Connor and Kurtley Beale

It provides Robbie Deans with some difficult quandaries before he makes his squad public. Quade is going nowhere. Without him? Promising and supremely talented playmaker James O’Connor will potentially be free from the other ‘Three Amigos’, meaning there is a chance he could step up against the Lions and play like the Northern Hemisphere fear he can. However, the question of where else he could slot in makes things difficult for the Wallaby selectors.

With O’Connor at 10 there could be no need to blood Brumbie Christian Lealiifano, but then Berrick Barnes may be used. At centre, O’Connor would have to build up a quick rapport with whichever full-back comes in Beale’s stead (provided he would have been a full-back rather than a stand-off). Now Deans has to call up Jesse Mogg of the Brumbies or Izzy Folau for their first camp. Some would swoon with expectation, but it hints at an adventure that belies the last few international windows that Deans has overseen. Suddenly there is chatter about reinstating the likes of Pat McCabe or Rob Horne in the hope that there is a steady, reliable, painted-by-numbers centre to compliment the bustling talents that force Deans’ hand.

Thankfully for the selectors, James Horwill and Will Genia can clamp down as senior figures, ensuring that any uncertainty is an irrelevance. After all, confidence appears to be high in Australia following the Lions squad announcement and there is enough brilliance on show during the Super 15 weekends to make them optimistic.

Propped up: Benn Robinson has had a good season so far

The breakaways will be what worry the Lions. Scott Higginbotham has had a fine season and Ben Mowen may be knocking on the door. A lot of talk has burst out about returning hero George Smith and young Liam Gill and Michael Hooper have more fondness for stealing than Winona Ryder in a street market.

With the Lions, though, it comes down to what the perception of any Aussie squad is and what the reality is that Gatland highlights. It is a tired cliché to say Australians cannot scrummage, but there will be no let-up at the Lions end. Benn Robinson and Ben Alexander will definitely be selected, as will Stephen Moore and Tatafu Polota-Nau.

The Lions have to expect that strong Australian players have come on even more, as well as accepting that they cannot predict the strength of any new players. This means there cannot be an assumption of weakness.

After all, Australia can raise their game for these landmark Tests just as every host does. Come Sunday, those pumped up players will be ready to go.

First day at school: The class of 2013 try to break out of their cliques. Matt Stevens seems to be succeeding so far!

By Alan Dymock

YESTERDAY, AMONGST the luxurious trappings of the Syon Park in the west of London, the 2013 British and Irish Lions had their first meeting.

Like lucky competition winners 36 of the 37 tourists queued up for their issues of stash, expecting kilos of kit and flip flops. Only a niggle-pestered Brian O’Driscoll was left with the medical staff at Leinster following the close-fought RaboDirect Pro12 semi against Glasgow Warriors at the weekend.

Northampton Saints and England hooker Dylan Hartley tweeted that it was like the first day of school, and it’s easy to see why.

Lion cub: Bil and his carer, Hogg

Boys were measured throughout the day for their new uniforms. The youngest tourist, Stuart Hogg, was given tour mascot Bil the Lion to nurture and protect. The two stand-offs Jonny Sexton and Owen Farrell were called to the headmaster’s office to talk tactics for an hour. People were expected to make friends quickly.

There is not much turnaround. The squad leave for Hong Kong on May 27, and the stragglers who are playing in Aviva Premiership and Pro12 finals will join up the day before. That means that 22 of the 37 will be with Warren Gatland and his backroom staff for the week before departure.

It is an inconvenient time. The finals have to be negotiated, but with the schedule for the Lions tour previously hammered out between the Lions and the ARU it is a case of having to make do with the time allocated.

This is a professional tour. In 1966 the Lions took on a coach for the first time and despite their amateur status dedicated two weeks in Bournemouth to prepare for their trip to New Zealand.

After the last amateur tour, the New Zealand tour of 1993, coach Ian McGeechan said in a report: “I felt it was important that we had an additional weekend together, but this was very dificult to organise because of club commitments… It seems ridiculous to me that we were finally at the mercy of the clubs as to how could organise preperation.” The master knew then and built into the next trip.

The first professional tour, the 1997 series victory over South Africa, was one where ample time was given up for days of team-building and a night, two days before they flew south, where everyone was encouraged to wire into some free beer.

That new-age management approach has become a parody of itself in recent years, of course, with the David Brent-style enforcement of motivational speeches and collage painting being mixed with hard graft in 2001 and 2005. The Graham Henry tour of Australia in ’01 was notable for a few weeks of physical training before they played Western Australia and in 2005 many were very open about their lack of appreciation for Sir Clive Woodward’s arts and crafts time during a week at the Vale of Glamorgan Hotel.

Lions assemble: Sam Warburton and Geoff Parling

These are examples of how it is to be done and also how not to do it, by scheduling too much like kindergarten teachers with ADHD.

Mind you, Gatland is shrewd and was present in 2009 when the squad mixed a week or so of prep at Pennyhill Park with meeting up for drinks and singing before they left for South Africa. He knows to treat his tourists like adults and while he may not get as much training time with every player as he would like – indeed the farcical turnaround for the players in finals is a tough one to budget for – but they must make the best of what they can.

In the next few weeks bonds can be forged that hold the tour together.