An off-the-wall chat with Bath and England centre Jonathan Joseph

Do you have any phobias?

I don’t like open water at all. If I fell into the ocean I’d be worried. I’m not the best swimmer and get tired pretty quickly. I’m not a big fan of sharks either.

What are your bugbears?

A roomy that passes wind a lot – can I say that? That’s not pleasant at all. And no, I’m not naming and shaming.

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever bought?

When I was about 13, a lot of people had these horrible, chavvy chains and for some reason I bought one because I thought they were cool. It was silver and disgusting. I squirm now looking back.

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?

Kevin Hart, the American comedian, cracks me up. He’d keep my spirits up while we waited to be rescued.

Do you have any hobbies?

I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot. I’d like to get into golf. It’s a social sport and can get competitive. Lots of players like to get a few holes in, so it must have something going for it.

Who are the jokers in the Bath squad?

Niko Matawalu is very funny. He has this high-pitched voice like Borat, so anything he says makes us laugh. He also gets his ‘he’s’ and ‘she’s’ the wrong way round, which can lead to some amusing statements about his girlfriend.

Niko Matawalu

Hot stepper: Niko Matawalu in action for Bath against Wasps last season. Photo: Getty Images

What about practical jokes?

Matt Garvey has talent in that department. He always winds George Ford up about everything. He gets picked on!

Team-mate you’d most like to be?

I’ll say Stuart Hooper. He’s a very good leader, a good guy and very grown up. He’s a family man who seems to have life all figured out. I’m not quite there yet.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen on a pitch?

Nothing springs to mind, but seeing a streaker in all their glory is always amusing.

If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

In X-Men, they have this plane, Blackbird, that can transport you at supersonic speeds, so I’d love that. Taking it to another level, it’d be cool to switch back and forth in time like Doctor Who.

Who are your dream dinner party guests?

Samuel L Jackson is a massive character and Muhammad Ali – a legend. He talked the talk and walked the walk. I’ll add some glamour with Margot Robbie from The Wolf of Wall Street.

Muhammad Ali

Sporting icon: Boxing legend Muhammad Ali, who sadly died in June. Photo: Getty Images

Do you have any hidden talents?
I can tickle the ivories (play the piano). I have a few tunes in my repertoire like Beethoven’s Fur Elise.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

A few beers when the season’s finished. During the season, watching Game of Thrones on my own and drifting off for forty winks.

If you ever went on Mastermind, what would your specialist subject be?

I shouldn’t really say this but probably Disney films. That’s embarrassing.

How would you like to be remembered?

That’s a tough one. Probably as that guy who had a nice step and had a little bit of flair about him.

This article originally appeared in the July 2016 issue of Rugby World. For the latest subscription offers, click here.